I am a lefty. A proud lefty. No, I'm not talking about my political leanings (though, you can probably guess what they are). I'm talking about the hand I use to write and eat with. Technically I'm ambidextrous, but that's another story. The point is, for all intents and purposes, I am considered a bothersome lefty, mainly because at restaurants I am often told where to sit lest I bump elbows with the almighty "righty." But what if we looked at it another way - my way, for instance. Maybe - just maybe - the righty is sitting on the wrong side of me! Let me give you another example to illustrate my point. I'm 5'5" - not really short, but compared to my 6'3" husband, I'm a shrimp. (And I say that with only affection for shrimp!) Now, who do you think has to stand on her tippy toes and modify her height for the I'm-off-to-work-I'll-see-you-later smooch?? Not the (right-handed) hubby, I assure you. It's all about the lefty accommodating the righty and the shorty accommodating the giant. "That's all very sad," you're probably thinking, "but what does this have to do with vegetarianism?" Glad you asked.
Let's be honest. Non-vegetarians are the righties of the world. (No political implications intended.) They rule the roost. They call the shots. They play first fiddle. Have you flown on a plane lately? No more options for vegetarians. Nope! Vegetarians be damned! "Want some chicken? Some turkey? Some ham? We have that in spades. Vegetarian? No, sorry. We can't accommodate your special needs." I even heard of a vegetarian who was told by a pizza joint that they could make a pizza with less cheese - but not without cheese. Madness! So, who's to blame, and where do we go from here?
Certainly, the non-vegetarians are not to blame. Generation after generation, they've been lazily groomed for this position, never knowing how tenuous their sovereignty has been. Well, I have some news for them. Lefties, shorties, vegetarians - hear me now! If ever you have been relegated to the end of the table when you wanted a middle seat; if ever you have strained your body to reach for a glass in a high cabinet; if ever you have had to accept a plate of wilted iceberg lettuce, it is time to claim your power. It is only because we have not asserted our rights that we have endured dry bread, flavorless pasta, and overcooked vegetables that we are second-class citizens. It is time to usurp the non-vegetarian dominance and claim our birthright. And we will prevail. There will come a time when meat-eaters will have to ask for the special meal when traveling, when restaurants will charge extra for adding meat to the standard (i.e. vegetarian) sandwich, when meat-eaters will be subjected to strange looks and countless, endless questions about what they eat and why they eat that way. The time is nigh. Let us not lose a moment.
In the meantime, non-vegetarians may want to give up peacefully and join the coup. Lay down your sirloin steaks, your turkey breasts, and your chicken legs. Join us where arteries are unblocked, animals are at peace, and cholesterol is normal. As for the righties...well, you're next.
DISCLAIMER: We have intended no offense to righties (either as a political position or as a handedness preference), to people of tall stature, or to shrimps. If we have offended any non-vegetarians, well, it was all in good fun. :)